Gareth
It's all about perceived value with top football players. One day they could be worth millions and the next day they could be worth zilch. The management of Mancastle United have realised that famous athlete Gareth is a liability for the team. A transfer will earn the club millions and mean that Gareth receives a tidy bonus, but his body has got to be in top physical condition. Before any contracts can be written up a full physical needs to be conducted where he's stripped, examined, receives a probing anal exam and has his heavy sporty balls drained.